as I watched your world crumble in your hands
by Grumpr
Summary: There was a time after the accident when she and Jeremy would visit the cemetery together. They wouldn't speak, instead they would sit next to each other leaning back against a gravestone, Elena writing in her diary, Jeremy listening to music. Warning: Character death.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Vampire Diaries. Obviously.**  
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**Characters**: Elena, Jeremy, Jenna

**warning: **character death**  
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**I wanted to believe (as I watched your world crumble in your hands)**

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There was a time after the accident when she and Jeremy would visit the cemetery together. They wouldn't speak, instead they would sit next to each other leaning back against a gravestone, Elena writing in her diary, Jeremy listening to music. They would sit there for hours, until the warm sunlight was starting to fade and Jenna would be waiting to pick them up.

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One day Jeremy shows up late and Elena can't help but notice how red his eyes are and how the pupils are more dilated than usual. She thinks about saying something, but maybe it's just Jeremy's way of dealing with things. The same way she stops taking the pain killers as soon as the doctors stop prompting her, needing to feel the pain, Jeremy needs this.

(Sometimes Elena wishes she could forget too.)

She moves to the right and Jeremy drops down next to her. His music is louder than usual and Elena finds herself listening to the familiar rhythm of the songs. She closes her eyes and lets her head rest back, forehead pressing against her brother's shoulder. (Jeremy is still growing fast, he'll be taller than her soon.) With the warm sun shining down on them and Jeremy's music beating in her ears, she finally relaxes. She barely even feels the headache anymore.

When she wakes, Jeremy is gone. It's dark and the air is colder, but it hardly seems to bother her. Jeremy is gone. He was sitting next to her just now, but she can't see him anywhere. She looks around, hoping to spot him. _Maybe he went for a walk_, she thinks.

She spots a woman (a young girl really) near the other side of the cemetery. She must have been visiting a grave here. Elena feels a pang of a feeling she can't describe. It starts as a small ache but then grows stronger and stronger until she thinks she can't take it anymore. She doubles over, her hand going to her mouth as she gasps.

The next instant she's standing in front of the girl (_long brown hair, familiar sad eyes_) and her teeth sink into the weak fragile flesh on the side of the girl's neck. The blood is warm when it fills her mouth and she swallows it down, letting the warmth flow through her body, heating her cold limbs. The girl tries to scream, but Elena's hand is muffling the sound as she keeps the girl's head turned to have better access to her neck.

She moans as she wants more (_more more_) and when she finally lifts her head to take a brief moment to relish the feeling of warm, sticky blood gliding down her throat, her eyes are closed in ecstasy.

She isn't sure what it is later, the sound that made her suddenly aware of her surrounding, like coming out of a trance. Instantly she's aware of the feeble struggling of the girl in her arms, the way she's clawing at the hand of Elena that's covering her mouth. She's aware of the way the cemetery is silent except for the girl's muffled cries and her own rapid breathing.

That's the moment she sees the the gravestones behind the girl and it all comes rushing back. Jeremy is gone. Dead. She'd held his broken body in her arms after the explosion, after the Hunter's trap had killed him. The others had tried to pry her away, but she refused to let go. She'd followed him all the way here.

She releases the girl, barely remembering to look her in the eye and say the few magic words that would allow her to continue to stay here. _You just have to believe it_, another girl's voice is saying in her head, but Elena doesn't know if she can believe in anything anymore.

_Jeremy is alive_, she whispers to the girl, just to see, just as an experiment. _Jeremy is alive_, the girl repeats after her and Elena suddenly regrets opening her mouth. Of course this won't make it real. Even if she believes it, even if this girl believes it, it doesn't make it true. She can change what people think, not what really is.

_Then what is the point?_ She wonders. _What is so great about convincing people of something if it doesn't make it true?_

She whispers for the girl to go home and get some rest, to forget what happened here and she leaves before she can see the girl's eyes become blank as her memories are wiped away.

(Sometimes Elena wishes she could forget too.)

She walks back slowly to the place where she woke up before and avoids reading the name on the gravestone with an expertise gained through experience. (_Just writing it down doesn't make it true either_, she reassures herself.) She sits on the loose dirt above the grave and leans back against the the stone. She knows it's cold, but the hot blood still pumping through her body fills her with a warmth that reminds her of a summer afternoon.

If she listens really carefully, she can hear the radio playing in the kitchen of the house just next to the cemetery. She rests her face against the gravestone and pretends the wetness that's running down her face and mixing with the blood around her mouth is rain.

Her hands are still sticky and she wants to wipe them clean, but instead she folds them together against her chest. She might be hungry later.

She pulls up her knees, curling up like a ball against the hard stone. This is familiar, this is something she remembers. The air around her almost feels warm with the fresh blood in her system and she closes her eyes.

Like this she can almost hear her brother's music playing.

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**A/N:** This is unedited, and written on the spot, so if you see any mistakes, feel free to point them out to me. Also please review! Constructive criticisim is always welcome and helps me a lot.

I'm trying out a different style here, with very few dialogue. Any comments on that would be greatly appreciated.

These two are probably my favourite characters, not counting the original family. Parts of this were inspired by **enexcelsis** from tumblr.

Bonus points to the person who can tell me where I got the title from.


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